Harry Potter and the Little Black Dress
by Scrolllock
Summary: Harry recieves a dress for christmas from some un-known sorce... it causes confusion among the trio... and might even seperate them as friends.. read and review please! Chapter 5 is up!
1. The Dress

~Disclaimer~  
  
First I wanna say that I do not own Harry, Ron, Hermione, Cho, Colin, Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Hagrid, or any other characters that appear in this story. I also do not own Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. They are all, as you all should know, property of Jk Rowling. I DO happen to own the personalities I have given the characters. I also have full possesion of the Little Black Dress. If anyone even thnks about stealing my story line or character traits that I have created, I have a few things to say to you. One - If your too much of an idiot to make up your own story and personalities for the characters, than you shouldn't be writing a fan- fiction. Two - Copying my story won't do you any good anyway, because everyone will know that it is exactly like someone else's, so if you think your getting credit for someone else's work, than you must be really thick. Three - No matter what you do my story will still be better, because i created it first. So to all you story-stealing idiots out there, just give up the idea, because it is pointless and it will just make everyone hate you. Enjoy the story!  
  
  
  
Ch.1 - The Dress  
  
" Yes! Presents!" said Harry when he woke up on Christmas morning. Ron yawned and nodded. He was already halfway through his christmas gifts and wrapping paper littered the floor around him. Ron sighed as he opened another package.  
  
"Another sweater?" said Harry, trying not to laugh. Ron rolled his eyes.  
  
"And its maroon!Why the hell does it always have to be maroon? I hate the color maroon!" Harry laughed and stopped unwrapping a gift he had picked up without looking. "And she even put and R on the front! I am not an idiot! I know my name is Ron. See, hi my name is-" Ron dropped the sweater. " What the hell is that?"  
  
"Nice name." said Harry. Ron didn't reply, just sat frozen, staring in Harry's direction. Finally he pointed ast the package Harry was holding.  
  
"No, i meant what the hell is THAT?" Harry looked down at the package he was holding. A small peice of black lace was sticking out of one of the corners.  
  
"I dunno," said Harry, "But i will in a minute." Harry tore the package open. The lacy thing fell to the floor. Harry picked it up and held it out if front of him, looking scared.  
  
"Holy crappers!" screamed Ron, almost slipping off his bed, "Thats a dress! Someone sent you a dress! Oh my god thats a dress!" Harry looked down at the dress, which he had layed out on his bed.  
  
"I have gathered that much," said Harry. The dress was sleeveless, and the straps that went over the shoulders were lace. The back tied up, and in the front there was a giant black bow. The skirt part was also lacy and it puffed out across harry's bedsheets. It looked that it came to about mid- thigh in length.  
  
"You like?" said Harry in a high-pitched voice, holding the dress against his chest and twirling. Ron looked as if he was about to be sick.  
  
"You are not serious... you can't be serious..whoever sent you that can't be serious..that is just horrible..you can't be serious." Ron seemed to be talking more to himself than anyone else, but still looked scared all the same. Harry frowned.  
  
"Of course i don't like it. It is hideous. Can't i kid around?" said Harry.  
  
"Not about that..." said Ron giving the dress a dark look.  
  
"Okay! Let up!" said Harry, staring at the dress also. He suddenly made a grab for the dress and held it against his arm. "But really, Ron. Does it match my skin tone?" Harry smiled widely as Ron continually tried to catch his breath, considering he was laughing so hard. As Ron started to sufficate from laughing too hard, Harry noticed a small slip of paper on the floor that wasn't there earlier. Harry picked it up.  
  
"Ron, shut up for a minute! I found a note." Ron suddenly became quiet and stared at the note anxiously.  
  
"Do you think it came from the dress?" said Ron, glaring at the dress again.  
  
"Dunno." said Harry, "Now shut up for a minute so I can read it." The message was written in writing that harry had never seen before, and was not signed by any means. Harry read the note aloud.  
  
Your father left this in my possesion before he died.  
  
I feel it is time it was returned to you.  
  
Use it well.  
  
Harry again searched the note for a signature, but there was none. Harry continually turned the note over between his fingers, even though he knew there was nothing else written there. Ron didn't look remotely happy with the note's message.  
  
"It does NOT say that!" said Ron, annoyed. Harry handed the note to Ron. As Ron read, his eyes widened and by the last sentence his mouth was hanging open.  
  
"I am NOT a fruitcake!" said Harry out loud, which caused Ron to come out of his state of shock.  
  
"I hope not," said Ron, edging away from him anyway. "This has to be a joke. There is no way your father wore this..well I sure hope not.." This didn't help Harry's mood at all. Was Ron accusing his father of being a fruitcake? Harry knew his father wasn't, because he had a wife and a son, him, Harry. He kept repeating this in his mind as Ron shot imcriminating looks at both the note and the dress. 


	2. Let Me Explain

Ch. 2 - Let me Explain  
  
"I mean.." said Harry holding up the dress, "Its like a size extra-small. There is no way it would even fit him." Ron stared at the dress.  
  
"You never know Harry." said Ron with his eyes glazed over, "NEVER underestimate the power of fruity people. I did once..and..I..." Ron faltered in his speech. "NO!" Ron banged his fists against his legs. "I won't speak of it...I can't speak of it..its so.." Ron covered his eyes with his hands, crying. He slowly slipped off his bed onto the floor, and continued crying.  
  
Harry, finding this extremely funny, started laughing out of control at Ron's emotional breakdown. Harry was laughing too hard to balance, and began to fall off his own bed. "Woah Crap!" screamed Harry. Before he could catch himself, he fell off his bed and landed face-first on top of Ron.  
  
(Before either of them had a chance to get up) The dormitory door burst open. "Ron..Harry.. you guys in here?" Hermione walked into the room. She saw Harry and Ron on the floor together, screamed, and dropped the tin of chocolates she was holding. As it hit the ground, the lid popped off and the chocolates went rolling in every direction. Hermione clapped a hand to her mouth as if she was about to be sick and mumbled, "Sorry for intruding...OMG!" She quickly closed her eyes and backed out of the dorm. (This all happened within 5 seconds)  
  
Harry immediately jumped off of Ron. "I didn't do that on purpose..I was laughing and I slipped and I didn't mean it and-" Ron shoved one of Uncle Vernon's socks in Harry's mouth.  
  
"Will you shut up?" said Ron, "I know you didn't do it on purpose..but wait...Hermione doesn't!!!!" Ron started to panic. "OMG Harry she thinks we're...we're..HERMIONE I AM NOT FRUITY!!!" screamed Ron running out of the dormitory, with Harry close at his heels.  
  
Harry and Ron caught up with Hermione halfway down the corridor leading out onto the grounds. "Hermione!" called Harry, grabbing her arm. Hermione pushed him away. "Hermione! Listen to us!" Hermione stopped suddenly, causing Harry to run right into her and fall.  
  
"Why should I bother?" said Hermione, looking down at Harry, who was putting his glasses back on and dusting off his robes. "I saw enough to know..." She looked disgusted.  
  
"Hermione!" screamed Ron, seeming desperate. "Its not what you are thinking! You werent there! You-"  
  
"Shut up Ron! I know enough to know that you two have some serious issues to work out! How many times did you get hit with a bludger, Harry? Ron, how could you let him come onto you like that? Uggh why should I even bother!?" Hermione stomped off down the corridor. Harry quickly got to his feet.  
  
"I AM not fruity and I was NOT coming onto Ron! I have proof too so stop accusing me!" Harry brushed his hair out of his eyes, and conjured an ice- pack out of mid-air, which he place on his forehead, hot from aggrivation. Ron just stared at him.  
  
"Proof?" said Hermione, "What kind of proof could you possibly have to show that your not gay?" She raised her eyes at them.  
  
"Dunno." said Ron, shrugging.  
  
Harry looked around desperately. The only way to prove he wasn't gay was to... no it was too much for him to bear. He looked around as if trying to draw an excuse out of midair.  
  
"Out with it!" screamed Hermione, getting impatient.  
  
"Alright!" said Harry in a tone that plainly stated he'd rather drink a cauldron-full of frog spawn. "I will show you!" Harry frantically pulled a pile of folded papers out of his robes. "Here! It's all here! Theres your proof! I hope your happy!" 


	3. Confessions

Ch.3 - Confessions  
  
Ron stared at the pile of notebook paper accumulating on the floor. "Uh Harry...what is all of this?"  
  
Harry stared at the papers evily and said, "You will know soon enough." Harry turned and faced the wall, where he began to repeatedly banging his head against it followed by an "ow..auo..ouch.."  
  
While Ron tried to pry Harry away from the wall, Hermione picked up a piece of paper. She unfolded it, and let out a fresh laugh. She dropped it to the floor, and continued withdrawing, unfolding, and reading papers from the enormous pile. She began to read them aloud. "Harry and Cho.... Harry loves Cho.... Harry and Cho 4ever! OMG Harry!" She unfolded another paper. "Harry and Hermione!?" Harry turned from the wall, his face bright read, his forehead swelled from the repetitive banging against the wall.  
  
"Nevermind that!" said Harry quickly, ripping the paper out of her hands. Hermione went to read another note, but Harry stopped her. "There is no need for you to read any more."  
  
Ron and Hermione both raised their eyebrows at him. "Why not?" said Ron. Harry glared at him.  
  
"Shut up Ron, don't give her any reason to read more!" He glowered at them both. "I think we all have a very clear veiw of my feelings now, so I never EVER want to hear the word 'fruity' again." Harry snatched up the notes and stuffed them back into the depths of his robes, his face still bright red. His forehead was now black and blue.  
  
"So Ron..." said Hermione, advancing on him. "Your turn. Proof"  
  
"oh no no no no!" said Ron, backing away from her, looking twice as mortified as Harry was. "No way! I can't no!" Hermione grinned.  
  
"Honestly Ron, what could be worse than Harry's letters to himself?" Harry glared at her.  
  
"Alot." said Ron.  
  
Hermione didn't seem convinced, and laughed. "Like what? C'mon I won't laugh." Hermione covered her mouth with her hands, and Harry and Ron could hear the faint sound of giggling.  
  
"Oh yes you will." said Ron, eyes wide.  
  
"Fine!" said Hermione, looking aggrivated. "Don't tell me you fruitcake." At this Ron had had enough.  
  
"I am NOT a fruitcake!" said Ron hotly, narrowing eyes.  
  
Hermione crossed her arms. "Prove it." She said matter-of-factly.  
  
"Ron, just spit it out." said Harry, from where he was leaning against the wall, an ice-pack on his forehead again. "It can't be that bad."  
  
"Oh yes it can!" Ron walked over to Harry and whispered something in his ear. Harry grinned widely, looking back and forth between Ron and Hermione.  
  
"You are serious?!" said Harry, trying to hold back laughter. "I mean...out of all people..hahahehe" Harry put his hands on his knees and laughed heartily.  
  
"WHAT?!" said Hermione staring intently at Harry and Ron.  
  
Despite Ron's attempts to silence him, Harry stopped laughing, cleared his throaght, and announced, "He likes you Hermione, very very much." At this Ron turned bright red.  
  
"I...i.." said Ron, searching for something to say.  
  
"You do?" said Hermione grinning widely. "Thats just funny, cause I like you too"  
  
At this Harry choked, and Ron almost fell over. "You like him? Tsk...Tsk.. I thought you would have better taste..."  
  
"SHUT UP HARRY!" screamed Ron. He than turned back to Hermione, and ran his fingers through his hair. "So, you like me huh?"  
  
Hermione nodded. "Very very much." At this Ron threw his arms around her and pulled her into a passionate kiss. Harry stared at them wide-eyed.  
  
"Day-um!" said Harry in awe, "Go Ron!"  
  
"SHUT UP!" screamed Hermione, picking up one of her text books and aiming for Harry's head.  
  
"Alright!" yelled Harry, ducking from the flying text book. "Shall I leave you guys..ahumm!...alone?" Harry quickly ducked another book. "Okay! okay! I get the point!" Jeeze!" 


	4. Caught In The Act

Ch. 4 - Caught In The Act  
  
Harry lifted the white-out bottle up to his nose for the 15th time, and inhaled deeply. "Yea.." said Harry completely out of it. He managed to stand up, and ran directly into a wall. "Woah horsey!" said Harry, grinning stupidly. He spun around on one foot, and spotted the dress. His eyes lit up. "Hehe Barbie plays dress-up, I wanna play too."  
  
Harry pulled off his robes, jeans, tee, and underwears.(Uncle Vernon's)He picked up the dress and somehow managed to get into it and lace up the back. Than he began to twirl around the room singing and talking to himself.  
  
"Woo..who's Miss America this time? Yes....Mr.Bob! And how would you say Mr.Bob, that you have won this highest of high honor?" Harry paused a moment and began spinning again. "Oh yes, Bob, having a sex change WOULD qualify you for Miss America." Harry stepped in front of the mirror and began dancing in circles.  
  
"Work it..yah baby!" said Harry in a french/german accent. He kicked one foot in the air, and his shoe went flying across the room.  
  
"Hey!" came a voice from inside the mirror. Harry stared at the mirror.  
  
"Ooooh...somebody living in there?" he said knocking on the mirror.  
  
"No you dimwitted, high on white-out cross-dresser!" screamed the mirror. "And if that is bad enough, your legs are ashy! If you are gonna be a cross- dresser, than be stylin!" out of the mirror came a lotion bottle, wich hit Harry square between the eyes and bounced off.  
  
Harry stood there for a few moments thinking, than said "Auo....that hurted...ouch...mommy I need some Ambesol!" He ran around the room screaming, tripped over the corner of his bed, and landed face first on the floor next to the lotion bottle. It read, "Lotion for Cross-Dressers with EXTREMELY Dry and Ashy Legs, by Cover Gurl/Guy"  
  
"Hey hey!" said Harry picking up the lotion bottle. "OoOoOoOohh" said Harry in amazement as he held the bottle upside-down and sqeezed it's contents all over the floor, and Ron's dirty robes from that morning.  
  
After doing this, Harry sat down on the edge of his bed. The white out was starting to wear off, and Harry was begining to realize where he was. He looked down at himself. "WHAT am I wearing?" said Harry to himself. Than he realized what it was. "What the...?!?! How did I get in this?!?!" Harry started to panic and went to un-lace the back of the dress, but it was knotted.  
  
"Oh no no no no!" screamed Harry hopping from side to side. "How could this happen? Rghhh!" Harry tried to rip the dress off of him, but suprisingly, it was titanium-strong. "No!! No no!!! No no no no!!!!!" yelled, Harry, now throwing a fit. "Why why oh why did I have to sniff white out?" said Harry, sounding if he was in tears.  
  
Suddenly, without warning, the dormitory door burst open and in walked Ron, in a pair of jeans?! He had no socks or shoes on, and his current robes and tee were nowhere in sight.  
  
Before Harry could consider his current state, he yelled out "What were you doing?!" Ron looked up and had to grab hold of the bedpost to catch himself. His eyes widened and he looked as if he was having trouble breathing.  
  
"Well excuse me.." said Ron, astonished, "What were YOU doing?!?!" Harry looked down at himself, he still had the dress on! Why oh why did god put white-out on this earth?  
  
"Nothing.." said Harry staring at the floor.  
  
"Rite.." said Ron, noticing the robes. "And WHAT did you do to my robes?!" 


	5. What Have I Done?

Ch. 5 - What Have I Done?  
  
To this Harry could think of no reply. "Um...uh....erm...." He tried to think back to earlier, but his memory was fogged. Ron looked extremely annoyed.  
  
"I can't even...er.. leave for a while without coming back and you destroying my best robes!?!?!?!" screamed Ron, brandishing the robes in Harry's face. Harry personally thought Ron didn't posses any type of 'best robes' but kept his mouth shut.  
  
"And you!" said Ron, taking a step back from Harry and looking him up and down. "What happened to you that made you try on that thing?!?! That proof you gave to Hermione was worth nothing then!" At this Harry spoke up.  
  
"Are you implying that I am gay?" said Harry, taking a step foreward.  
  
"Gay, fruity, crooked, queer, homosexual....YES!" said Ron, still in disbelief. "I don't get it! What..you know what forget it." Ron turned to walk from the room, but Harry hurried foreward and grabbed his arm. "Hey!" said Ron, pushing Harry's arm away, "You can be gay all you like, but don't drag me into it!"  
  
"I am NOT gay! Just listen to me for a minute!" Harry dragged Ron back into the room and shut the door. Ron glanced nervously over his shoulder.  
  
"w..Why are you shutting the door?"  
  
"Cuz!" said Harry again trying to get the dress off, "I am stuck in this thing and I don't want anyone seeing me like this! Now just listen to me!"  
  
"Alright, but if at any point you ask me-"  
  
"I am not going to ask you anything except to get me out of this dress!!!" screamed Harry, "Now sit down and shut up and listen to me!"  
  
"Get...get you out of the dress?!" Ron looked at him in horror. "I am NOT undressing you Harry, thats it... I am leaving." Ron got up and began to walk to the door. Once agin Harry stopped him, this time by pinning Ron against the wall.  
  
"What are you-" Ron was cut short by Harry, who had pressed his hand over Ron's lips.  
  
"Listen to me!!!" said Harry, still keeping a firm grip on Ron's shoulders, "I DONT WANT you to undress me, just help me get out of it! The back is knotted, and im stuck, just untie it for me please, so I can change! I promise I will explain everything. Just don't leave... It's not what you think it is okay?!"  
  
Harry spun around, his back facing Ron. "See the knot?"  
  
Ron nodded. "Yea.."  
  
"Ok...." said Harry, "Now, untie it."  
  
Ron pulled and pried at the knot with his fingers, but nothing worked. "It's stuck..." said Ron, still pulling at the knot in frustration. Harry began to panic.  
  
"No...no! I don't CARE if it is stuck!! Get me out of this dress!" Harry reached behind his back, and tugged on the knot along with Ron. Ron stopped working on the knot.  
  
"If you want out so bad, why did you ever put it on?" Harry turned around, facing Ron again.  
  
"Because.. I wasn't thinking straight." answered Harry shortly. He didnt really want to go into the whole white-out issue.  
  
"Why not?" said Ron, sliding across the wall, trying to get farther away from Harry.  
  
"Just because!"  
  
Ron raised his eyebrows at him curiously, than said, "I'm leaving and not helping if you don't tell me what made you become a cross-dresser."  
  
"For one, I am NOT a cross-dresser, ok? I wasn't thinking straight...I was sniffing white out."  
  
Ron laughed.  
  
"ITS NOT FUNNY!!!" screamed Harry, "I wasn't thinking staright okay?!!?!?!?"  
  
Ron covered his mouth. "It's not that..." said Ron, "It's just that...white out got you that high?" He raised his eyebrows at Harry.  
  
"I suppose so..." said Harry, momentarily forgetting about the whole ordeal with the dress. "Now.. GET THIS OFF OF ME!!!"  
  
Ron turned Harry around, and began working at the knot in the dress again. For five minutes he pulled, pried, and tugged with all his strength, until the knot finally came loose.  
  
"Yes!" exclaimed Harry, happy to be FINALLY free from the dress. "Ron thank you for-"  
  
He was cut short by Hermione, who was now hovering in the doorway. "What are you doing!?!!?"  
  
Ron spun around to face Hermione, schocked at her sudden materialization.  
  
"Hermione... how did you... how di-"  
  
"What are you wearing!?!!?" She spat at Harry, peering at his attire. "Ron!!! What is going on here? I can't believe this!! I believed you Harry! Ron... Are you telling me you have no feelings for me?!?!? Was our... uh... what you did earlier just a pretense...a show!?!?! Do you even love me?!!?!"  
  
Ron fixated his gaze on Hermione in disbelief. "Of course I love you Hermione...you mean the world to me.." said Ron, taking a step toward her. Hermione withdrawed from him.  
  
"Get away from me you faggot!!! It is OVER!!!" She yelled, sounding like she was in tears, before she hurried from the room.  
  
Ron turned to Harry, his eyes watering and his face flushed. "I....hate....you..." said Ron before exiting the dormitory himself.  
  
Harry leaned against the wall in frustration. "What have I done.." He moaned quietly before falling to the floor. 


End file.
